Harry Potter books and movies are among my most favorite things in the world. They are such a great exploration of friendship, bravery, loyalty, and integrity. Harry struggles with doing what is hard because it is the right thing to do and not taking the easy way out. There is a line in Sorcerer's Stone where Professor Dumbledore is giving Neville points because:
"It's one thing to stand up to your enemies, it's another to stand up to your friends." Sometimes Harry finds himself quite alone and has to convince his friends he is doing the right thing. Not that he does the right thing always but he certainly tries his best.
So I'm wondering tonight how can I try my best? How can I do right now what needs to be done and do my best? How do I do my best when I'm without my boy? I was reading a post about the exhaustion of Christmas and I realized that I crammed so many things into the days up until Christmas that I had no time to think. Then when it was all over, I crashed.
I gave everyone in my family the book The Shack. In it the father describes his pain over losing his daughter as "The Great Sadness". I think I like the book so much because I can relate to that description. I've never had my own child and my body couldn't nurture and grow a baby and that has been part of my Great Sadness. Now that I have actually been to Haiti and held Elliott in my arms, its that intense sadness again.
Again, how do I do my best? How do I define best? When do I give myself a break and when do I need a kick in the *ss? And how do I share that with others when I am almost painfully shy and hate to appear needy?
That's why I've decided to try blogging for a year, inspired by the amazing mom bloggers at It's About Time and The Clark Circus. (Hope these links work, I've never tried this before). I want to remember this journey to my son whom I need as much as he needs me.